All I Want For Christmas

This is the Christmas visit to Torin’s house that didn’t make it into the story between chapters 26 and 27. 

Torin

I’m slightly nervous. I probably shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. I’ve never brought home a boyfriend. To be fair, I’ve never had a boyfriend. 

Pulling up to my parents’ house, I’m not surprised to find that we’re here before my brother. My brother wouldn’t show up at all if he had his way. 

What I’m most worried about is my parents. We talk often but I know, on my part, it’s obligation more than want. It’s easier than listening to my mother make me feel guilty for not calling ‘like a good son should’. Yeah…

Getting out, I stand at the front of Hugo’s car to stare at the house. It’s decorated with lights and decorations. Not in a gaudy way but it’s certainly the most decorated tree on the street. To me, it always felt creepy when people slow down as they drive by. I get it; they’re admiring the lights. But it’s still creepy. 

Hugo has our gifts in one of his hockey bags because it was big enough to transport everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a little hockey scent on them. The thought makes me smirk. While we opened most of the presents to each other this morning at Hugo’s house, we brought one each to exchange. 

He takes my hand and gives me a big smile. “Ready?”

I nod. As ready as I’m going to be. It’s just another Christmas. Nothing new and exciting. 

The front door opens as we’re climbing the steps. My mother beams at us. She has a frilly apron on that makes me cringe and laugh at the same time. 

“Oh, honey,” my mom says, wrapping me in her arms in a tight hug. I try to think back to previous Christmases. And last month at Thanksgiving. Was this the reception I received? Is this for show because I have Hugo with me? 

“You look good, Torin,” she says as she scrutinizes me in that way parents do to make sure you’ve been eating. “Finally gaining a little weight. You look much healthier.”

I glance down at myself. I hadn’t realized I needed to gain weight. I’ve always been thin and I suppose gaining weight has always been a little difficult but… wait – do I look fat now?!

Turning my eyes to Hugo, I stare at him with horror. Am I getting fat? 

My boyfriend just beams at me. I’m not sure he’d tell me one way or another. 

“Come on, Annie. Let the boys in,” my father says from behind my mother. 

“Of course. Come in.”

We follow my mother in, and my father gives me a one-armed hug. “Good to see you. We’re so glad you could join us.”

Strange remark since I’ve never missed a holiday but okay. “Sully isn’t here?” I ask, knowing full well he’s not. His car wasn’t outside. 

“Not yet,” my mother says, giving me a big grin like she has a secret. She leans in and loud whispers, “I think he’s bringing his girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know he had a girlfriend,” I comment. 

“His secret girlfriend. Why else would he say he can’t make it until this afternoon?”

Right. Anyway… “This is Hugo,” I say, moving aside so he’s not behind me. “My mom, Annie, and my Dad, Roger.”

My mother looks at him like he hung the stars. The thought that she’s going to thank him for loving me makes me hold my breath. Fuck, please don’t. 

“We’re so excited to have you here,” Mom says. “Come in.” She eyes his bag. 

“We brought presents,” I explain. “It was easier to carry them this way.”

“Ah. Show him to the tree, Torin, and you can add them with ours. I’ll bring you some eggnog.” Mom grabs Dad’s hand and hauls him away. He chuckles, waving as he obediently follows. 

“Yep, that’s my parents,” I say when we’re left alone. 

Hugo simply smiles. I bow my head because his smiles always make my cheeks warm when they’re pointed at me. 

I lead him to the living room where our tree always is. There are six filled stockings right in front – one pink. Yep, they’re really counting on Sully bringing a girlfriend home. I wonder if I should warn him. 

Together, we empty the hockey bag of its wrapped contents, placing them around the tree and trying to mix them in with my parents’. I take the bag and roll it, sticking it beside the couch before we sit together and look at the tree. 

Honestly, if there’s one nostalgic thing in my mother’s house, it’s the decorated tree. I love the tree. It’s tall and perfectly decorated. No holes. The lights are exactly even. The star is straight. No matter how much I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to duplicate it. 

My mom comes in with two mugs, handing one to each of us. 

“Do you need help?” I ask.

“Not at all. We’re just finishing up. Once your brother gets here, we’ll do stockings and presents. Then dinner should be about ready. Just relax.”

“Okay…”

I watch as she hurries off. 

“I always help make dinner,” I say, frowning.

“She’ll probably still let you if you want to,” Hugo says. 

“No,” I say and snuggle further into his side. “I’d rather stay here with you and look at the tree.”

“It’s an amazing tree,” he agrees. “I’ve never seen one so perfect.”

I grin. “I was just thinking that.”

“This entire room looks like it belongs on television. All the decorations. And it’s so… elegant.”

“My father would love to hear that. He really tries to outdo himself every year. Check this out.” I lean forward and grab the remote off the table and point it at the windows before hitting the button. Snowflakes begin to fall. 

“Holy crap,” Hugo says, staring with wide eyes. “That’s amazing.”

“It’s this really cool holographic screen that practically disappears unless you know it’s there. Believe it or not, it’s even better when it gets dark.”

“I believe it. It’s like magic.”

Grinning, I tuck myself into Hugo’s side and sip my eggnog. Since we’re not talking, I can hear the quiet backdrop of Christmas music. This room definitely embodies the essence of a magical Christmas. 

Hugo pulls my legs into his lap and settles in to admire the room. I know he’s nervous about rambling and asking what he considers to be stupid questions. It’s why he was so quiet when we walked in. But I hope he finds his comfortable place while being here. 

We’re still sitting here when Sully walks in. He dyed his hair again. This time, it’s navy blue. He’s bigger than me but still with the same overall build as I have. 

“Hey,” Sully says. 

“Hey. This is Hugo,” I return. “My brother Sullivan.”

Hugo beams at him. “Hi!”

Sully’s smile looks almost like he tries to fight it. Like he doesn’t want to be affected by Hugo’s exuberance. He places a few presents under the tree as my mom comes in with a mug of eggnog for him as well. 

“Visit with your brother and his boyfriend,” Mom says. “We’re just about finished.”

Sully inclines his head and takes a seat on the couch perpendicular to the one we’re sitting on. When Mom’s gone, I say, “She’s convinced you have a secret girlfriend that you’d be bringing.”

He snorts. “I’ve told her several times I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Why else wouldn’t you want to be here for Christmas morning?” I say. 

Sully rolls his eyes. “Right. Why, indeed.”

Hugo looks between us. I can see him biting the inside of his lip as he tries to keep in his questions. I kiss him, leaning my forehead against the side of his. He sighs. 

True to Mom’s word, she and my dad are back within a few minutes. “Okay, we have an hour,” she says. “Stockings first.”

She takes her seat as Dad retrieves the stockings, giving one to Mom first. Then one each to me and Hugo. One to Sully, and he takes one for himself. All have names except the pink one still under the tree. 

“That one was for your girlfriend,” Mom says, giving Sully a pointed look. 

Sully takes a breath and releases it slowly as he sits back. Mom and Dad fill each other’s stockings so while me and Hugo open ours, we’re really listening to them and the way they laugh at what they find. I’d never noticed before how much my parents still love each other after all the years they’ve been together. 

It’s in the way they tease and how they make each other blush with something they find in their stockings. How they find the sweet sentiment in other things. 

Hugo looks at me with a grin and I think he’s seeing the same thing I am. 

We move on to presents, my father handing them out. There are more not-so-subtle comments from my mother about the presents for the girlfriend my brother didn’t bring. 

I wonder if we’ve suffered through this every year and I’m only just now noticing. Based on Sully’s frustration and the way he’s pressing his lips together, I think that if this is normal, this year it’s amped up. It’s bothering him. 

“This one’s heavy,” Dad says as he picks up a box that Hugo wrapped. He hands it to me. “I think it’s a weight.” He gives me a wink. 

Hugo is grinning, which isn’t surprising since he’s always got a smile on his face. My legs are still in his lap, his hands gently massaging my ankles and calves. But his touch stops as he watches me with that beaming smile. 

I unwrap it and look at the plastic container. “A weighted blanket?” I ask. 

He nods. “Noah says they’re really good for anxiety. They don’t make it go away. It’s not magic. But they help to calm you down. He has a weighted vest too, but I wasn’t sure if you’d like that. He has a weighted blanket in his car, just in case he has an anxiety attack and can’t get past it on his own and Lix isn’t around.”

There’s a lump in my throat because this was such a thoughtful gift. I love that he’s always thinking about my anxiety and how to make my life a little easier. “Thank you,” I whisper. “This is amazing.”

“That is super thoughtful,” Mom says. “It’s so nice when gifts from your partner are meaningful.”

Sully gets to his feet. He’s glaring at my mom but throws that glare my way too before he leaves the house entirely through the side door. My dad immediately follows, calling “Sully, wait.” 

Mom looks after them with confusion and then looks at us. “What happened?”

I sigh. “You need to drop it, Mom. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. Stop making him feel bad.”

She looks horrified. “I didn’t mean to make him feel bad.”

I’m not entirely sure if I believe that or not. She’s either oblivious to his sour mood and tension or she’s doing it on purpose. My mother has never been oblivious. 

We’re quiet while we wait for Sully and my dad to return. When the door opens, it’s only my dad. He meets my mom’s eyes and shakes his head. My mother’s shoulders sag. 

Another minute passes and we sit in silence. Eventually, I lean in to kiss Hugo and murmur, “I’ll be right back. Okay?” He nods. 

I find Sully on the steps outside. When I open the door, he says, “I told you I’ll be inside in a few minutes, Dad.”

Nodding, I step outside and close the door. He glances at me as I take a seat beside him. We sit in more silence. This isn’t an awkward Christmas at all. 

“I’m sorry.”

He huffs. “You haven’t done anything.”

“Maybe I should have,” I suggest, shrugging my shoulders. 

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he says. 

“I know.”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’m gay, too.”

Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. “Oh?”

He huffs in frustration again. “You were always so out and open. You knew when you were little. By the time I figured it out, I… felt like I couldn’t be the gay son because they already had a gay son.”

“That’s not the way it works.”

Sully shakes his head. “That came out a little jumbled. I guess I just felt like… they focus so much on me being the one to give them grandkids and a daughter-in-law and how do I tell them that’s not going to happen?”

“Simply. You say, ‘I’m gay’.”

He snorts. “Yeah. That easy?”

“Yes. They accept it or they don’t. But living the rest of your life hiding it? Is that really what you want to do?”

Sully’s shoulders sag. “No.”

“It’s not a big deal. I don’t think they’ll make a big deal out of it either. Out of everything in our lives that have been questionable with our parents, they’ve never been anything but supportive of my sexuality.”

“But… this is going to sound a little self-centered, but I hope you understand where it comes from. Maybe they’ve been so supportive because they know they have one straight son too?”

If it weren’t for the tone of his voice and the stress in his eyes, I might have thought he was being a jerk despite his warning on sounding that way. I offer him my hand and he looks at it. “Tell them.”

Sully takes a breath. “Really?” he asks skeptically.

Grinning, I nod. “I’ll support you.”

His shoulders sag again. This time, it doesn’t look so defeated. He looks relieved. He places his hand in mine, and I give him a light squeeze. 

“It’s gonna be okay. It’s going to be better. Now, she’ll start hinting that you need to bring your secret boyfriend home.”

Sully laughs, covering his face with his other hand. Again, even that sounds relieved. 

Knocking his shoulder with mine, I repeat, “It’s going to be okay.”

He nods. After a couple deep breaths, he nods again and gets to his feet, pulling me with him. With his hand on the doorknob, he looks at me. “Thanks, Torin.”

I smile. “You’re welcome.”

We step inside and my mother looks up at us with wide eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, honey.”

Sully bows his head. I shut the door behind us and take his hand again, hopefully lending him the courage he doesn’t feel like he has. 

“I’m gay,” he says. “I don’t have a girlfriend, and I never have. Except for that one time in fifth grade but since he announced he was trans two years later, I can now say that I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

I bow my head to hide my grin. 

“Oh,” Mom says. Sully tenses as a minute passes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

I’m thankful when my dad gets up and grabs my brother, bringing him in for a big hug. He doesn’t let go of my hand, but I can feel the way he relaxes a little. “We’re sorry. We didn’t know or this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Torin says you’d be harassing me about my secret boyfriend instead,” Sully says quietly. 

“Do you have a secret boyfriend?” Mom asks. “Is that where you were this morning? Why didn’t you bring him over?”

Sully glances at me, meeting my eyes, and I grin. See?

The rest of the evening goes very differently and yet not at all. Mom does change her hints and rhetoric to inquiring about this secret boyfriend, which sits much better with my brother. He finds it amusing now. 

This Christmas something magical happened. Not only did my family love Hugo, but my brother and I bonded for the first time in our lives. For many, many reasons, this has been the best Christmas ever. 

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