Daddy, the Slut

This conversation was promised in the story, but it didn’t fit. I had a specific ending in mind, and it left no room for this to happen. Since I also alluded to this conversation having taken place in Auden’s book, it needed to be written. So, here we are!

Rhodes

I live approximately thirty-three miles from my father. We’re there probably once a week or so, so my pack can hunt. Not hunt, as in animals, though I let them do that too. But we hunt the most vile of people who have hurt, tortured, raped, or killed a lot of people.

Yes, we play god. I’m not in the least bit sorry about that. If they want to use hate in the name of their faith and cherry-pick which misinformed scripture to uphold from their precious book as a means to justify their actions, then I’m going to do the same. My faith says everyone deserves a little justice.

Regardless of how often we visit the massive acreage my father owns, I rarely see him. I learned a long time ago that I don’t actually want to walk into his house and risk seeing things I can never unsee. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a prude. You do you, bro. But I don’t want to see my father doing anything. That’s just not my thing.

For as long as I can remember, I avoided leaving my room or even running to lock myself in my room when my father was home. He’s a good guy, I guess. It wasn’t so much about my dad himself. It was the fact that he brought someone new home every other week. Maybe every week. Sometimes twice a week.

Most of them didn’t know what to do with me. They’d look at me as if they’d never seen a kid before. Others thought they wanted to be my new mommy or daddy, to which I laughed. One had the audacity to tell me that she was shipping me off to boarding school at the first opportunity she had.

I laughed. One, because I already attended boarding school—you know, somewhere I could receive an actual education instead of the silly shit that passes for education in the States. But also because she legitimately thought she was going to be around more than a week.

My dad had come into the room while I was laughing at her. She looked affronted and offended all at the same time. When my father asked what I found funny, I repeated her words. He was not happy. In fact, she might have been his shortest hookup yet. Dad kicked her out right then and there. Even made her find her own way home and wait for that ride outside in the dreary weather.

Safe to say, I don’t think my dad found her as funny as I did.

I was probably thirteen or fourteen when I began recognizing that some of the people Dad brought home were attractive. You know, for old people. When I was fifteen, I realized that most of the people I was attracted to were men. Not all, but most. I was sixteen when I became horrified that I was attracted to anyone my dad brought home because, ew. My dad found them attractive. I refused to find the same people attractive. That’s just gross.

“Rhodes?”

It’s a good thing I could find my way to my father’s house in my sleep. I’ve been zoning out deep in thought as I drive down the highway. Yep, super safe. I glance in the rearview mirror at my pack. They’re a little squished since Bennett is in the front seat, where one of my pups usually sits. I may need to get a bigger truck.

I glance at Bennett. Even with a concerned expression, his smile when I look in his direction is still as bright as the sun.

“You’ve been really quiet. Even as the babies and I sing to you. It’s hard to marinate….” He tilts his head, and I try not to laugh. “Ah… what’s the word?”

“Serenade,” I supply.

“Yep, that. We were doing that, and you weren’t giving us the proper attention and praise,” Bennett complains.

His hand covers mine, and I grip his fingers with my thumb without moving my hand from the wheel.

“I’m fine. Just remembering how horrified I was when I realized I found the same people attractive that my father did.”

Bennett stares at me for a minute before laughing. “Wait. Is your dad gay? Wait! Are you? I didn’t even ask. I mean, you were on the H2H app, so I kind of assumed, but you could be bisexual, right? I’m not. I’m gay.”

Gripping his fingers a little more firmly with mine, I bring his hand to my mouth and kiss the back of it. “I’m bisexual, I suppose, but generally speaking, I’m more attracted to masculinity.”

“So you wouldn’t like it if I wore a skirt?”

I hum, imagining Bennett in a skirt. My dick twitches. “Okay, maybe it’s not masculinity. Maybe it’s just what I perceive as male beauty.”

He grins.

“Dad is pansexual. I’m not sure he has a preference. It’s whoever rocks his boat, or whatever.” Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Why did I have to put it that way?

“You said he dated a lot.”

“No. I said he’s a slut. He didn’t date anyone to my knowledge. He hooked up. Often. With many, many, many different people.”

Bennett isn’t sure what to say to this, so he doesn’t respond right away.

What’s prompting this trip isn’t because I want to introduce Bennett to my dad. In fact, I’m weirdly squirrelly about it. My stomach flips, and my chest feels tight. If my dad brought someone home every other night of the week, I never brought someone home. It was like I needed to balance out his whoring around.

Not that I was celibate or anything. I just didn’t need to introduce every hookup to my father like he thought he needed to do with me. I’ve never brought anyone home. I’ve never introduced anyone to him. Or to anyone in my family. Dad’s love life is plastered all over trashy tabloids. I’m the virgin son as far as they’re concerned.

“Wow,” Bennett says as he leans forward to take in my father’s house. “That’s really cool.”

I nod. “It is. It’s a nice house. There are guest cabins in the woods and stuff. Privacy while still being close. Not that he needed the cabins. He has, like, four guest rooms or something.”

“I can’t wait to see the inside. And the trees.”

I chuckle. Only my sweet Bennett would be excited to see the trees. Not like we’ve been surrounded by trees for the last twenty minutes after we turned down the private road leading to my father’s house.

We climb out of my truck. Lovey Cakes already has the back door open and my pack is piling out. To which Bennett is cooing about how smart they are. Lovey Cakes gets extra compliments when she closes the door after. Something that Lee doesn’t approve of. I think Lee prefers to be his favorite, so he’s now glaring at Lovey Cakes, who looks straight at Lee and then trots to the house with her tail in the air.

Whoever says wolf dogs are just animals is ignorant. My pups have more personality than most people.

I knock on the door and pause before I push it open. My dad comes around the corner, his eyes meeting mine. I’ve never been uncomfortable in my dad’s presence. But this is different. I’m not here with the sole purpose of introducing my boyfriend. I’m here because we kind of agreed to have a conversation when I called him at two in the morning to tell him I was going to murder the four high school bullies.

So here I am. If I thought my father would forget, I’m sorely mistaken.

My pack immediately surrounds my father, and he obliges by patting them all. Telling Sugar he’s grown and Sweetums that she’s gotten more beautiful. He knows how to sweet-talk my babies. Eventually, my pack moves through the entryway and further into the house. I hear them wooing and yapping at each other on the way to their toy bin.

That leaves us awkwardly standing in the foyer. Bennett leans a little heavier into my side, and I remember I have my arm around him. Right.

“This is my dad, Auden. This is my boyfriend, Bennett.”

As I knew he would, Bennett’s smile illuminates the entire area. My dad is innately smiling in response. As if he couldn’t help himself. How can you not look at this man and smile?

Bennett offers his hand to my dad. “Hi, Mister Van Doren! You have an absolutely wonderful son.”

I snort as my dad looks in my direction. “I do,” he agrees.

So we don’t get into something weird, I call for my babies. “Lee?” His clicking nails on the floor announce his approach before his head pokes around the corner. Bennett immediately awwws when he sees the stuffed rabbit hanging from Lee’s mouth. “Want to show Bennett around?”

“Lee is going to give me a tour?” Bennett asks, eyes wide with excitement.

“He’s as good as anyone,” I say, shrugging. “I’m sure he’ll point out all the most important features of each room as well.”

“The best places to nap in the sun,” Dad says.

I nod in agreement.

“Yes, please. Lead the way, Lee,” Bennett says, and Lee practically smiles around his stuffed rabbit. I hear Bennett cooing to him as they leave the entry, and Lee continues to carry his stuffy. He’s not wrong. It is the cutest thing ever.

“How was school?” Dad asks, and I think we both find it amusing to hear those words again a decade later.

“Uh… both better than I anticipated, and I hated every minute of being back there.”

Dad inclines his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how bad the bullying was. I should have asked more questions.”

I shake my head and lean back against the door. “I wouldn’t have told you. Tattling only causes more problems. My goal was to keep off their radar entirely.”

He rubs his face, and I can feel his frustration. “I’d have made them disappear,” he grumbles.

Even though I’d never have said I was close with Dad, I knew one thing without question. My dad would protect me, no matter what or how that came about. So I don’t doubt that statement in the least.

“I know.”

Dad meets my eye, and for a moment, we stare at each other. I know I’m not the only one feeling the awkwardness grow. One of us needs to begin the conversation that neither of us wants to have, but is probably long overdue. Maybe we both misunderstood some things.

“Want to sit outside while the sun is shining?” Dad asks.

I nod, and we turn back to the front door. There are a variety of seating options along the front porch, and we take a seat in two rocking chairs.

Once again, silence surrounds us until Dad finally says, “Did I embarrass you growing up? With my love life?”

“No,” I answer. And that’s the truth. I wasn’t embarrassed. Just horrified that my father had to be such an open slut.

“I didn’t mean to… make you feel uncomfortable with my lifestyle. My goal was to translate that whatever lifestyle and whoever it’s with is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nothing to hide. It’s taken me a very long time to realize that I think I missed the mark.”

“So you’re saying you were a slut for me?”

Dad snort-laughs. “No.” He sighs. “I… maybe I wasn’t sure how to parent you, and I wanted you to live in an environment where you understood that you didn’t have to live by societal expectations or conservative hatred. My parents died when I was very young, and while I didn’t hate my aunt and uncle as my parents, I always felt aware that they tried to uphold a specific image. Maybe for the family name, or maybe because that’s what was accepted in town. I don’t know.”

“Oh.” I stare at my truck for a minute. “I don’t think I care what anyone thinks of me, so you succeeded, I guess.”

He chuckles. I’m surprised when he reaches for my hand and grips it tightly. “I’ve always been incredibly proud of you, Rhodes. Always. From the moment I learned of you, I knew I’d never love someone as much as I love you. I’m so sorry I never made that clear.”

Tears sting my eyes, so I look away. I never knew I needed or wanted to hear that. I had no idea that maybe there’d been some doubt in me. I used to joke that I was a mistake, and how Dad has always been careful not to repeat that mistake.

Proving that my father knows me better than I give him credit for, Dad adds, “An accident isn’t the same thing as a mistake, Rhodes. I’ve never pretended that you were planned, but I promise you, I have never regretted that accident. It’s the best accident I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t trade you for anything at all.”

I let out a heavy breath to try to shove all those gross feelings away. “Thanks, Dad,” I whisper. If I whisper, then I can’t get choked up, right?

More silence surrounds us, but now it’s different. It lacks awkwardness. Something settles between us. We rock quietly for several minutes until my pack starts making a ruckus inside.

Dad grins. “I’m looking forward to getting to know your boyfriend.”

“He’s pretty great,” I admit. “He’s like a burning star.”

“Too hot to touch but refuse to let go?”

I tilt my head. “How many stars have you caught?”

He grins but doesn’t answer. “Let’s bring the pack to the back deck. I have food ready for the grill.”

Maybe our relationship won’t change much, but now it feels better. Lighter. I’m looking forward to having my dad in my life a little more.

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