This is Real

This bonus scene takes place in the middle of chapter 30. Brevan processing the news of his draft invite. This is a slight alternate scene because it directly conflicts with an interaction with Brevan’s friends but I chose to keep it anyway!

Brevan

I’m breathless. My hands are shaking. This can’t be real. When I received the phone call from the NFL representative, I thought for sure someone was pranking me. Even as I stammered my way through the conversation, all I could think was right before the call ended, someone was going to shout – GOTCHYA!

I called my agent after and he confirmed that yes, in fact, the NFL is inviting me to the draft. To attend in person. He told me that there are several teams in discussions, expressing interest.

For a solid three minutes, I stood still as one of the statues on campus, just staring. Phone in hand. It’s a dream. I can’t catch my breath, no matter how I try.

The same thought keeps drifting through my head. This can’t be real. I’m dreaming. How many good things can happen to me so close together? It feels as if I’m in an alternate universe. It’s just not real.

Without thinking, I called Kendrick. I never call during the day because it feels like we’re asking to be caught. He couldn’t talk long but hearing his voice assured me that I’m not sleeping. Kendrick is real; he’s mine. Which means I’m awake. Which means…

I’m going to attend the NFL drafts in person!

My feet are moving though I have no idea where I’m going. My brain is empty. More so than usual. No, that’s not fair. Sometimes I feel as if the words coming out of my mouth makes it appear like my brain is empty but really, I’m easily overwhelmed and all the words come out jumbled so I sound extra dumb.

But I’m going to the draft. Oh my god!

I find myself standing outside the athletic building, heart racing. I need to talk to someone. I need further assurance that this is real. There’s a chance I’ve somehow slipped into an alternate universe and everything that’s happened over the last month isn’t happening to me. Maybe to a version of me but not me me.

I wander through the locker room for a minute before standing in front of Coach’s office. I’m not sure if he’s here but I knock on the door.

“Enter,” he calls.

Coach’s office always makes me smile. It’s so bright, pink, and filled with personality. Just like Coach Lemon.

He smiles and I cross the room to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

“What’s wrong, Brevan?” he asks. Coach knows me well.

“I just… The guy from the NFL – I already forgot his name, maybe Jamie?”

Coach nods. “Jamie Marcott.”

“Yes, him. He called. He… invited me to attend the draft. In person. In Tennessee.”

Coach is beaming but he doesn’t look as floored as I am. He’s not surprised like I am. “Congratulations, Brevan. I had a feeling you’d receive the call.”

I stare at him, still feeling dumbfounded and like I’m floating. “You did?”

He inclines his head. “I did. You’re one of the best players on my team this year. They’d be fools if they didn’t pick you up.”

“Will you come with me?” I ask. “To the drafts in Tennessee?”

Now he’s surprised. “Are you sure?”

I nod. “I don’t have any family besides my brother and I’m going to ask him too. But without you, I don’t think I’d be here. And you’re so strong. Every time I need strength, I talk to you, Coach. It’ll mean a lot to me if you’re there.”

Coach’s smile turns soft. He gets up from his chair and comes around the desk. His smile tells me he’s not mad but I don’t know what he’s doing. Not until he wraps his arms around my shoulders and hugs me.

There’s no one who gives hugs like Coach Lemon. In all my life, I have never experienced the kind of comfort from an embrace that I do with my coach.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and inhale his soft, floral scent. His arms are strong around me. Long minutes pass as I use his familiar comfort to calm all the frayed edges and jittery nerves. When I finally pull away, I feel excitement for the first time since receiving the call.

I’m going to the NFL drafts!!

“That’s better,” Coach says, resting a hand on my shoulder. “That’s the smile I was expecting.”

“Thanks, Coach. I was feeling a little overwhelmed.”

He nods and drops back into his oversized chair. “Now that you’re feeling more yourself, do you still want me to attend with you?”

“Yes, Coach. Definitely.”

Coach grins. “I’d be honored to.”

I call my brother on my way out of the athletic building, knowing he’s at work. He answers anyway and I apologize quickly before sharing my news. His excitement is loud and it does a lot to fill me with the same enthusiasm. Butterflies erupt in my stomach. My chest feels tight and fluttery, and though I still can’t catch my breath, it’s not quite in the same way as an hour ago.

This is real. I’m going to the draft. Me.

“Hi, Brevan.”

I pause as I shift to find the voices. Kiley and Leisa are approaching and I can’t contain my smile. The giddiness of this news now feels so big that containing it is impossible.

“You look so happy, Brevan,” Kiley says, placing her hand on my arm.

“I was just invited to the NFL drafts,” I say in explanation. They shouldn’t be the next to hear my news but I can’t keep it in now.

“Oh my god!” Leisa says and squeals, her hands together in front of her chest.

Kiley jumps on me, wrapping her arms around my neck in a hug. She’s squealing just like Leisa and I’m happy for the celebration but they feel too close to me. I need some more space so I gently push Kiley off me and take a step back.

She follows, gripping my hands as the two girls continue to screech their excitement. Leisa takes my other hand and the two jump around.

I’m beginning to feel a little uncomfortable when I can’t get my hands away so I’m super grateful when Xile shows up out of nowhere and pushes both girls off, placing themselves between me and them. They place their hands on their hips and glare at the girls.

“You two need to learn to read a room. He doesn’t want to be touched,” Xile says.

The girls look at me with big eyes and I feel guilty.

“We didn’t mean anything by it,” Kiley says.

“Is that even true?” Leisa says. “Brevan?”

My shoulders rise, tense. I glance at the ground and nod, pushing my hands into my pockets. “Sorry,” I mutter.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Xile says and I wince. “These girls need to learn boundaries.”

“I’m sorry,” Kiley says. “I’m truly just excited for your news, Brev. I swear.”

Leisa looks less apologetic but she nods, crossing her arms over her chest as she stares at me.

“Run along,” Xile says, waving them off. “You need to learn some manners.” They point at Leisa.

Leisa rolls her eyes but Kiley takes her hand and turns them both away. I watch as they head toward the Queer Palace Café. Xile turns and meets my eyes. “Okay?”

Sighing, I nod.

“It’s not mean to tell someone they’re making you uncomfortable, Brevan,” they say. “You need to remember that. Don’t compromise your own comfort to be nice to someone.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“So… what news did you share?”

Remembering makes all kinds of excitement bubble inside me again. A smile splits my face. “I was invited to attend the NFL draft in person.”

Xile, like the girls, grips my hand and jumps with a shout. “Hell, yeah, Brevan! That’s amazing.”

I laugh. I’m not sure why Xile’s touch feels less invasive. Maybe because we’re friends. Real friends. It doesn’t feel quite so… intrusive.

“That’s so incredible. That means someone is going to recruit you, right?”

“Draft me and it’s not a guarantee but it’s a higher possibility when we’re invited to attend in person, I think.”

“Awesome. Congrats. That’s huge. You need to celebrate. What should we do to celebrate?”

I immediately think of Kendrick. Whatever I do to celebrate, I want Kendrick to be a part of it. Which is difficult because he can’t celebrate with me and my friends.

Thinking of him makes me realize how much I want him to be a part of this. I want him with me for all of my life events. I want him to celebrate this simple invitation. I want him to come to the draft with me. I want him there for everything.

How do I make that happen without risking his career? Ugh. Why can’t the draft happen after graduation?!

“Where did you go just now? That wasn’t a happy thought.”

I shake my head. “I’m excited. I just… I realized that I want to share this with someone and he can’t be a part of it for a while. He’ll have to miss my draft.”

Xile gives me a perplexed look. “What does that even mean?”

“Nothing. Want to come with me to tell my friends?”

They nod. “Yeah but…”

“It’s okay,” I assure them. “Big picture, right?” It won’t be forever. We won’t always have to hide.

Right? What if we always have to hide? What if, after graduation, there’s another reason that we can’t be public with our relationship? What if it’s still a threat to his position?

“Brevan?”

I blink out of my nervous thoughts and look at Xile. Except it wasn’t Xile who said my name. Horace and Nicole are approaching. That was Horace. I smile, trying to ignore all the doubts and anxiety now filling my head.

“What’s up, Skeet?” Horace asks. “You’re a rollercoaster of emotions right now.”

I wear everything like an open book. Or something like that. “I was invited to the NFL draft,” I blurt, hoping to distract him from everything else he saw in my face.

“Fuck yeah,” Horace says, hitting my shoulder. Nicole responds like Kiley did and launches into my arms for a hug as she squeals. It’s different with Nicole too. She’s a friend. She’s Horace’s girlfriend. I don’t feel quite so... cringy.

This means something. I’m sure.

“Have you told the team yet?” Horace asks as Nicole kisses my cheek. She glances at Xile and I realize that neither of them know Xile.

“This is my friend, Xile. We were roommates on the Iceland trip. My teammate Horace and his girlfriend, Nicole,” I introduce before adding, “I haven’t. Not yet.”

“Start making calls,” Nicole says. She takes my hand and pulls me along. “We’re going to Brevan’s room. You coming, Xile?”

“Yeah,” Xile answers. “Hey, can I invite our friends from CAP?”

“Yes!” Nicole says. “Brev needs to be celebrated. Invite the whole crew.”

I’m relieved that all I need to do right now is go along with the ride. Nicole drags me along while Xile and Horace make calls. It’s a series of ‘come to Brevan’s now’ and a room number in Xile’s case.

Within minutes of being in my dorm, the door is propped open for the stream of my friends.

“We’re all here,” Wulfe says. “Spill the goods.”

Xile and Nicole are staring at me with big smiles. I can feel a thrum of excitement humming in the air.

“I was just invited to attend the NFL draft in person,” I announce.

The room is filled with cheers as everyone closes in on me, surrounding me in a group hug. I’m laughing. It feels good to be surrounded by my friends. To share my news with those most important to me.

Almost everyone.

“Okay, so we couldn’t get the whole group together,” Wendy says. “Dr. Weaver says it’s inappropriate for the faculty to be in the dorms and he’s right so we’re heading to pizza later. Miss Ito will be there. Miss Byndley says she’ll make sure Dr. Keller is there too.” She looks at the nearest non-CAP student. “You want to invite the football team or coach or something?”

“On it,” Lane says, pulling out his phone.

For a minute, more calls are made but my brain has snagged on one comment. Kendrick will be there. I won’t be able to hold his hand or hug him or anything but he’ll be there. That’s a start.

I’m not sure why but it fills me with hope that we won’t always have to hide.

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